To mark the Month of the Military Child, we’re proud to share our first story in the latest section on our website, Salute! – a platform dedicated to honouring extraordinary journeys of service, care, and family in the Armed Forces community.
Growing up as a military child comes with unique challenges, sacrifices, and moments of immense pride. In a heartfelt letter, Merryn Dyke shares what it was like to be raised in a military family, offering a glimpse into the realities of frequent relocations, long separations, and the pride she feels for her parents’ service.
Her father, Chris Dyke, served as a Sergeant in the Light Dragoons from 2002 to 2018, deploying to Iraq and Afghanistan multiple times. Her mother, Melanie Dyke, served in the Adjutant General’s Corps as Staff and Personnel Support and later in the Queen Alexandra’s Royal Army Nursing Corps as Corporal before transitioning into a career as an Intensive Health Visitor, a Queen’s Nurse, and Chair of the Armed Forces Network at Derbyshire Community Health Services NHS Foundation Trust, part of the network of Veteran Aware accredited trusts in England.
We also sat down with Merryn’s mum Melanie for a Q&A, where she shared their experiences balancing military service with family life, the sacrifices they made, and the values their daughter has carried with her as a military child.
VCHA: What was it like balancing military service while raising your child?
Melanie: The needs of the service always came first. So, trying to maintain a family unit with both of us serving was impossible. We were not supported to live together even though we were married. I was to return to my previous posting at DMRC (Defence Medical Rehabilitation Centre) Headley Court and Chris remained posted in Dereham, Norfolk. We decided at this point it was best I left the Army – which was a very difficult decision as I loved my role as an Army Nurse and was hoping to commission, but we wanted to raise our daughter together and not live at opposite ends of the country (with no family support as they all lived in the Midlands!) At this point I applied to Norfolk, Suffolk and Cambridge to be part of The Health Visitor Implementation Plan where I would complete a degree in a year. Fortunately, I was successful in all three but accepted Suffolk – so we all moved into military quarters in Norfolk.
Although we were a family, life was still very difficult. Chris would be on exercises for long periods of time, and I would be alone trying to work, study and raise a one-year-old. I had to rely heavily on the local nursery (Merryn was not old enough to attend the nursery on camp). Her bill was more than £1,000 a month!
Trying to balance military service and a child was like spinning plates. The uncertainty of when Chris would be there for help or not. It was always easier to plan for him not being there and if he was home, it was a bonus. It can be a lonely life if you do not make the right connections as a military spouse – which is difficult if you are working long hours and do not have the opportunity to socialise.
Chris missed Merryn’s first birthday, but he also missed her first word, her first steps, her first taste of food – all the cherished milestones.
VCHA: How did frequent relocations impact your family life, and how did you help your child adjust?
Melanie: Merryn has lived in the Midlands (where she was born), Kingston-upon -Thames, Dereham in Norfolk, and Catterick. In 2017 we decided we needed to settle in one location so she could have the stability of a home and being able to remain at one school. Chris then commuted at weekends to Catterick and then to Newcastle when he was reposted.
Moving had massive impacts, as it takes on average a year to settle somewhere! We never felt we belonged to a community as did not have the time to settle before moving again. The admin could be difficult and exhausting – new GP, new dentist, and the likes.
I tried to keep a routine for Merryn so no matter where we lived, she knew the routine, and this would help settle her. Merryn was (and still is!) very clingy to me -this is because I have been the constant in her life.
Settling into school was difficult as it was a complete change of routine as she had only ever been to private nurseries.
VCHA: Your daughter mentions missing her father a lot. How did you stay connected despite long separations?
Melanie: Whenever Chris went away, she had a countdown chalk board of how many ‘sleeps’ dad was away for. She also had a Teddy bear with a Light Dragoon’s cap badge and a uniform on. Before he deployed we went to ‘build a bear’ where she was able to pick a Teddy and Chris was able to do a voice recording which was sewn into the Teddy, so when she hugged it, she would hear his voice.
VCHA: How did military life impact your family’s access to healthcare?
Melanie: It was a pain! I believe it’s better now under The Armed Forces Act 2021. Chris was obviously under the care of the military but Merryn and I had to re-register at dentists and GPs. Merryn was also under ophthalmology, so it meant awaiting specialist appointments and having to move her care – this meant accessing lots of different clinical areas in different hospitals which is hard for children at the best of times without having to do it in so many settings.
VCHA: How has being a military child shaped your daughter’s character and resilience?
Melanie: Merryn is always full of questions and her wanting to know what is happening is due to constant changes when she was little? I am unsure.
She likes meeting new people and is quietly confident. However, she can also struggle in social situations and feel ‘left out’.
She is resilient and has taken change in her stride.
VCHA: What lessons or values do you think military life has instilled in your child?
Melanie: Family bond – Merryn and I have an unbreakable bond. It was harder for her and Chris to gain a bond with him being away so frequently.
Responsibility – Merryn helped at home when her baby sister was born, and Chris would be away all week.
Adaptability to adjust to new environments.
Pride.
VCHA: Your daughter expresses immense pride in your bravery and service. How does it feel to hear that from her?
Melanie: She could never be as proud of us as we are of her!
She fills my heart, and I could burst with pride.
- It takes a village to raise a child
VCHA: What does it mean to you to see your child embrace and honour her identity as a military child?
Melanie: It is important to us as a family to never forget the sacrifices and Merryn has taken this ownership, too and how important the Army has been to both me and Chris.
VCHA: What advice would you give to other military families on helping their children cope with the challenges of military life?
Melanie: It takes a village to raise a child. If you can get a support network, use it! Asking for help is not a weakness, although I was quite bad at asking for help!
Whether family be close by, or you have a group of friends. Even letting your employer know as there is now support available with flexible working policies.
Remain flexible.
Plan like your other half will not be there.
VCHA: What do you think is the most rewarding part of raising a military child?
Melanie: Raising any child is rewarding, but I believe raising a military child is special as she must grow and flourish time and time again. We decided to stop the moving and settled – we felt it was important for her to form root and relationships and not all military children will have the opportunity to do that and will often not associate anywhere as ‘home’.
“When I was a Military Child”. With the ongoing celebrations marking Month of the Military Child, Merryn got inspired to share her experience and her pride being raised by parents who served in the Armed Forces.
The Dyke Family. Merryn with her parents, Chris and Melanie.
VCHA: If you could send a message to other military children during the Month of the Military Child, what would it be?
Melanie: There is no place like home – home does not have to be a place – home is where your parents are.
VCHA: What resources or support systems have been most helpful to your family throughout your journey
Melanie: Resources I have found recently are the Tonieboxes – Chris can record a story on to one of the characters and this can be played as a bedtime story when he is away.
I do not use this now, but I recommend Reading Force to my military families.
To access information on support available to the Armed Forces community, click here.
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This is just the beginning of Salute! where we highlight the resilience and dedication of those connected to the Armed Forces. Stay tuned for more stories that celebrate the extraordinary journey of the Armed Forces community.
If you have a story to share or any story suggestions, we’d love to hear from you – submit yours and be part of this growing collection of voices celebrating the Armed Forces community. Email us at rnoh.vcha@nhs.net.
